June 25, 2009 (Pompano Beach, Fla.) Cash4Gold, America’s # 1 buyer of precious metals direct from the general public, today announced an offer to purchase the U.S. national gold reserve for $240 billion.
Cash4Gold learned of the federal government’s plan to turn the nation’s gold into cash after the Onion News Network broke the story at the Radio and Television Correspondents’ Association Dinner in Washington last week. President Obama and scores of other political and media leaders were on-hand as the Onion aired a video news segment announcing the emergency economic plan aimed at helping the United States pay off its debts.
Appearing on The Onion to explain the government’s plan to work with Cash4Gold, Deputy Treasury Secretary Edward Kuehnel estimated the value of the pure gold bars that comprise the U.S. federal gold reserve at $200 billion. Cash4Gold’s unprecedented $240 billion offer reflects the full melt value of the U.S. stockpile, plus an added 20 percent. Melt value refers to the value of actual precious metal contained in an item that a refinery can extract and recycle, and does not account for the decorative, artistic, historic, or sentimental value of a given item.
As part of a current promotion called Gold Rush, Cash4Gold is currently paying an additional 20 percent on all items received before July 4. A transaction concluded with the U.S. government would put Cash4Gold 240,000 percent above its advertised goal of purchasing $100 million in gold by the July 4 Independence Day holiday.
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner devised the plan to sell the federal gold reserve after viewing one of Cash4Gold’s commercials on television, according to the Onion.
“Cash4Gold has helped hundreds of thousands of Americans monetize their broken or unwanted jewelry, and we certainly stand ready to serve the American government,” said Cash4Gold CEO Jeff Aronson. “It would not only be a privilege, but a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Cash4Gold to do its patriotic duty by helping bolster the U.S. economy,” Aronson added.
Cash4Gold today also extended an invitation to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner to sit on its Board of Advisers. “Secretary Geithner has been at center stage during recent months, working tirelessly to improve the economic situation in America,” said Aronson. “We hope that he will accept a position with Cash4Gold’s Board of Advisors, and share with us some of the insights he has gained through his unique experience.”
As Deputy Treasury Secretary Kuehnel explained to the Onion, the U.S. plan to sell its gold reserve to Cash4Gold carries no risk, since every transaction conducted between Cash4Gold and its customers is fully backed by a 100 percent satisfaction guarantee. All Cash4Gold customers have 12 days in which to call or return their checks should they decide not to accept Cash4Gold’s offer, and their material will be sent back at no charge.
As it does each day with every piece of jewelry it receives, Cash4Gold will thoroughly test all material using the most sophisticated assaying equipment in the jewelry industry in order to determine the gold’s weight and purity.
Cash4Gold expects that it would need to mobilize every one of the 300-plus employees at its new, highly-secure processing facility to handle a shipment of this size. The postage and insurance rates involved in such a transaction would provide an additional economic stimulus above and beyond the cash received by the government for the gold.
About Cash4Gold
Cash4Gold is America’s #1 buyer of precious metals including gold, silver and platinum from the general public, and one of the largest refiners of precious metals in the nation. Through an efficient and proprietary process, the company has revolutionized its industry, and is a fully-integrated company with front-end customer service and marketing operations and a back-end refinery. Hundreds of thousands of satisfied customers have received millions of dollars from Cash4Gold since its inception. Cash4Gold has warned customers that unauthorized businesses are running Cash4Gold scams fraudulently using Cash4Gold’s name and logo in their marketing and storefronts/kiosks. Cash4Gold reminds customers that the company does not operate any stores, and that the only way to do business with the real Cash4Gold is through the website www.Cash4Gold.com or the toll-free hotlines featured in the company’s official advertisements. Cash4Gold’s popular advertisements can be seen in print, on national television and heard across the satellite and terrestrial radio dials. To sell your gold, please visit http://www.cash4gold.com/ or call 1-877-GOLD-590 for more information, and don’t forget to visit the Cash4Gold blog.
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*This is obviously satire.
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